The soreness fades as the day goes on
The pain a fainting memory passed
I rest and lie upon the ground
and let the sleeping dragon rest
I toss and turn throughout the night
Restless sleeping I dream awake
The morning comes too fast.
I stand with hope this pain does fade
The clock betrays my hope for peace
Time to rise and face the pain
One step, two steps… I might be fine
Yet electric shocks of waves give way
I stretch, I crawl, I try to find
a way to force this pain gone
Without escape I must press on
The dagger in my flesh does stay
Limp and wobble, gasp and pout
No way to put this fire out
I press on, I must be strong
This may never go away.
This pain may forever stay.
Why pain? What value is this curse?
Is God indeed in charge of all?
I search for answers to this pain, to break it’s spell upon my brain
Defeated, forlorn and growing sad
my anger swells larger still
Held hostage by this treacherous storm
Consumed by terror’s unending reign
Anxiety rising in my chest
Tightening up to take my breath
Dark fear of pain that will never go
I am taken away by agony
Separating me from stronger souls
A weak coward: I am ashamed
The knife of Satan within my side
Who thinks of God when all consumed?
Hope and Love go up in flames
That’s it. I’m done.
I’ve nothing left
but pain’s shrieking, searing taste of death!
Resigned I lay down to face the end.
I call out to God across Hell’s abyss
My voice unheard over pain’s noise!
My enemy takes leave until the morn
I toss and turn and dream awake
My soul is lost within my pain
💔Ann ‘Not Just A Blonde’
Background:This poem was written during a time of great pain and despair. I had debilitating back pain that was getting worse and worse over time. I could not sit down without sharp searing pain, yet every position and posture was painful. It was so strong no pain medications could touch it, I was just forced to suffer… praying to God daily that it might improve. Eventually it did.
My heart goes out to all chronic pain sufferers! I felt punished by my pain, as I am sure many others do. I have come to believe this pain was a gift, one of which I write about in a (much later) blog post. I was challenged spiritually by my pain and I was also humbled by it. I hated it but as in all of life’s trials I am a better women for it. I thank God for the lessons learned and pray for all those who still suffer with chronic pain to find healing and hope again.