Not Just A Blonde

We are "Not Just" who we seem to be on this Earthly plane, but so much more. We are ALL children of a loving God who is calling us home to Love. This blog is dedicated to those of us on that journey together…

I am heavy-hearted and filled with sadness. I sigh and sit with diminished hope my life or any life can ever be satisfactory and without the pain of loss: lost children, lost time, lost health, lost love, lost opportunities, lost understanding, lost patience, lost dreams.

How do we come to peace with the loss of things that will never return or come to pass? How do we know when to let a longing go or when to chase that dream?

Can we find peace in our hearts living with less than we hoped for? Is living with less an admirable thing or just plain pathetic? Am I foolish to feel unsatisfied?

To complicate my suffering is my long-held belief that the sacrifice of self and putting others first is what is best… yet if this is so why is my heart-breaking? Why does it all feel SO wrong?

Does love arrive without affection, without wanting your beloved to be happy and fulfilled? Does love demand a sacrifice of dreams? Does love require a silencing of the soul? Can you love another yet place restrictions and boundaries to love’s extent? Is comprising your hearts desires just the way love goes?

Do I really need to choose between my life with another and myself? Am I always going to feel that taking care of me means neglecting someone else? Must I lose something or someone to fulfill my divine purpose?

Questions, always questions… without answers, no easy answers found. My God, the creator knows the path my feet are called to trod. He knows my fears and my frailties. He knows my path and my ultimate destination!

A prayer to Him is my next step. A simple prayer, a cry to God that will ease my distress! I believe He will direct my heart towards peace and hope and love again.

❤️Ann ‘Not Just A Blonde’



12 thoughts on “Struggling For Peace Amidst Dreams Lost

  1. Hi, Ann. Good idea to pray to the Creator of all that is for guidance back to the peace, hope, and love you are as an eternal spiritual being. I pray for the same: for my guidance, your guidance, and the guidance for all beings with a similar desire.

    I agree with you completely that your situation is complicated by a long-held belief that what’s best is to sacrifice yourself and put others first. I wouldn’t disagree if you said this belief is the basis of your current difficulty.

    It seems to me that loving yourself and others the way your Creator loves you and others is quite a different thing from what most of us think of as sacrificing one’s self and putting others before one’s self. Aren’t you equally deserving of God’s love? Even if you mistakenly think it’s best to put others first, do you really think God is putting others first? Do you think God has put others before you, or do you believe God has infinite love for all beings, including you?

    Noticing what you don’t have in your life is an opportunity to realize what you desire in your heart and an opportunity to let God’s love bring more and more of your heart’s desire into your life. When you focus on what you don’t have, you’re heart’s desire could be right around the corner or even right in front of you, but your attention to what you don’t have can make everything look like something unwanted rather than a creation from God’s love.

    How many times have you regretted loosing something you believed was irreplaceable, only to find that something better-feeling eventually took its place? Soon you will remember you are a powerful creative being and with God’s infinite love you can create whatever you desire. In the meantime, the more you can find to appreciate in your current circumstances, the more you will be able to create circumstances you can appreciate even more.

    You have questions, God has answers. If you believe there are no answers to your questions, the answer could be right in front of you, but it would be difficult for you to perceive if you choose to believe God’s answers are not there for you.

    It seems quite common for people of faith to experience a crisis of faith. When I’ve felt the way you describe in your post I don’t think I’ve been able to articulate it as well as you have. I like to think as you are led back to your connection to your Creator, you will learn many valuable things about this relationship that you will share with others who will experience a similar crisis of faith in their life. And you will continue to offer the kind of inspiration that many others value you for, even if you find it difficult to value yourself for the inspiration you’ve given others.

    Thank you for the inspiration you’ve provided in the past and thank you in advance for the inspiration I like to think you will offer in the not too distant future (no pressure :-)). Love, Bob


    1. Bob, I always cherish hearing from you and this time is no exception! I struggle from time to time with the whole balancing act of life. Motherhood, marriage, friendship, profession and my divine purpose are all sometimes so intertwined that it’s hard to know how to prioritize and organize my life! Sigh.

      Your comment:”the more you can find to appreciate in your current circumstances, the more you will be able to create circumstances you can appreciate even more” resonated so very much! I am going to meditate on that and allow it to sink in!

      Following the originally writing of this post and the subsequent time I spent in prayer my circumstance and emotions have changed and I have found increasing peace. I am much more encouraged that I am where I am supposed to be for today. It sometimes just takes a bit of openness and vulnerability… dare I say some humility to admit I’m a bit off track! I’ve found it challenging let go of what I think I want to receive from God what I truly need.

      Your words are always such a gift of love. Thank you so very much.❤️Ann

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your kind words, Ann. I’m confident many readers of this blog, including myself, face similar challenges in our own balancing act of life, and by sharing how you find your way around and through these challenges you help us do the same. Glad to hear your prayer for peace was answered and that you’re feeling like you’re where you’re supposed to be. That is a wonderful feeling. Thank you for your openness and your vulnerability. Letting go of limiting beliefs can be a challenge, but always seems worth it as we find our way to new, better feeling, more allowing beliefs. Love, Bob


  2. lapaixjoyeux says:

    Annie, I’m not sure what has happened, but, as always, you are in my prayers. Let me know what I can do to help.

    Love, J from church


    1. J, thank you for your prayers… I believe He listens! This blog post was written during a moment in my life when I felt discouraged and confused. Not more than one day later I felt relief and I was in a new moment filled with greater understanding and hope.

      I wrote of these feelings as part of my healing journey… through writing these words and these questions my spirit was able to release my fears to God.

      I suppose most of us struggle at times with the circumstances of our lives. It is this struggle that is part of being human. Peace and happiness are rarely constant in this life, even for the most spiritually focused and secure. In fact, some of my greatest spiritual mentors are folks who have gone through the most painful and difficult of times yet continue to carry on with hope and faith in a better tomorrow!

      You are one of those special souls that offer me comfort, hope and wisdom that God is always with us and for us even when we don’t understand His answers. Thank you for your comment here and for your presence in my life!


  3. James says:

    Psalm 34:4-15

    “4 I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

    5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.

    6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.

    7 The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.

    8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

    9 O fear the Lord, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.

    10 The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.

    11 Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

    12 What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good?

    13 Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.

    14 Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.

    15 The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.”


    1. These are such beautiful words of comfort. Thank you for sharing James. ❤️Ann


  4. Chas says:

    These symptoms of feeling down suggest one of two things, or maybe both together, which are that you are either fighting against God on something, or you are being tested by God so that, if you are successful, you will be moving on to place closer to Him/Her. Allowing you to fight against Him/Her is a way that God might choose to test you.


    1. Chas says:

      PS If it is a test, it will not be over until you KNOW that it’s over.


    2. Chad, as always I look forward to hearing your thoughts. I suppose that sadness is a part of the human experience. Sadness is a healthy and human response to loss. Loss is a part of this life… thankfully I believe in the ever-after all loss of true meaning will be perfectly restored.

      In and of itself sadness neither being good nor bad can teach us something. Sure, at times the situations that perpetuate sadness are divinely coordinated for our better good and growth, yet at other times our sadness stems simply from being here on Earth and not yet completely united with God.

      My sadness, I believe, may have stemmed from feeling a bit lost and off track. Not at peace nor satisfied with my current circumstance. My sadness alerted me that something needed to change… my job was to figure out what that something was. Sometimes sadness tells us we need to change our attitudes, sometimes it tells us to speak up! and let our needs known, sometimes sadness says we are way off track and need to look at our life path to make BIG changes… yet usually it’s just a little thing that stands in our way between peace and our God.

      Thankfully I believe I’ve heard the wisdom my sadness spoke to me… and I’m thankful for it’s voice. Times of sadness give us the ability to remember what is important… and to direct ourselves back onto the path towards Love and towards Him.


      1. Chas says:

        I like that phrase: ‘divinely coordinated,’ because it acknowledges how God is intimately involved in everything that happens to us. There are very many ways in which He/She works without our being aware of it. He/She showed me how just a very small thing, such as the decision whether to emerge from a road junction ahead of an approaching vehicle, or waiting until it has passed, affects where our vehicle and the other is on the road afterwards, and so could influence whether an accident is going to happen. If we are aware of God’s wishes at that moment, He/She can influence the future through us and we can be sure that obeying those wishes will reduce overall suffering in the world.

        Liked by 1 person

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