I am heavy-hearted and filled with sadness. I sigh and sit with diminished hope my life or any life can ever be satisfactory and without the pain of loss: lost children, lost time, lost health, lost love, lost opportunities, lost understanding, lost patience, lost dreams.
How do we come to peace with the loss of things that will never return or come to pass? How do we know when to let a longing go or when to chase that dream?
Can we find peace in our hearts living with less than we hoped for? Is living with less an admirable thing or just plain pathetic? Am I foolish to feel unsatisfied?
To complicate my suffering is my long-held belief that the sacrifice of self and putting others first is what is best… yet if this is so why is my heart-breaking? Why does it all feel SO wrong?
Does love arrive without affection, without wanting your beloved to be happy and fulfilled? Does love demand a sacrifice of dreams? Does love require a silencing of the soul? Can you love another yet place restrictions and boundaries to love’s extent? Is comprising your hearts desires just the way love goes?
Do I really need to choose between my life with another and myself? Am I always going to feel that taking care of me means neglecting someone else? Must I lose something or someone to fulfill my divine purpose?
Questions, always questions… without answers, no easy answers found. My God, the creator knows the path my feet are called to trod. He knows my fears and my frailties. He knows my path and my ultimate destination!
A prayer to Him is my next step. A simple prayer, a cry to God that will ease my distress! I believe He will direct my heart towards peace and hope and love again.
❤️Ann ‘Not Just A Blonde’