Not Just A Blonde

We are "Not Just" who we seem to be on this Earthly plane, but so much more. We are ALL children of a loving God who is calling us home to Love. This blog is dedicated to those of us on that journey together…

Have you ever felt it? I’m talking about: the eye rolls, the cold-shoulders, hearing the gossip, the sting of rejection, and the loneliness of  exclusion? Sadly, this is often how we treat others, sometimes in our social circles… sometimes other believers within our church… or even in our own family. We feel the pain of judgement, not the warmth of love.

Recently in my mom’s small group at church we were given the topic of Mommy Wars. You know, when moms criticize and gossip about other moms who in some way or another are just not measuring up to our standard of acceptability. We judge another mom’s weakness against our own perceived gifts.

The material we were given was from the Loving My Lot Christian mommy blog. The blog post is “Mom vs. Mom: The War I Didn’t See Coming“. I couldn’t help but realize I too was likely judged for not being perfect… but that is just it! Who can be perfect?!

If my worth is based on my mothering skills or expertise I will always fall short. Always. Actually, if my worth is based on anything external I will always fall short. Bad news is, so will you! The harder we try the further we are from the mark of perfection. Doing things our way will never reap us true peace and satisfaction.

Why must we even go there? Why is it that the game of comparison at times so easily sucks us in? If we are doing our best and are confident in our choices, why would we let the opinon or judgements of an outsider affect our mood and our feelings? Why would we let them ruin a good day?

I think there might be a few reasons we’d go there. For one, I think we fear that they may be right. Perhaps we really aren’t doing the right thing… and deep down we know we could do better. So then it is our attempt to avoid our own feelings of guilt… and focusing instead on the faults of another!

Another answer is we feel like we ourselves are losers, somehow tied by an invisible rope to the poor mothering choices we’ve made and allowing those mistakes to define us. We fear they are seeing us for who we truly are… a mess, imperfect, a failure… a mistake ourselves.

We attack and defend ourselves against this invisible enemy. Some may call this dark force Satan, some may just say it is a part of our own humanness that goes to that dark place. Whatever it is, it it NOT what God has indended for us, nor is where we need to be.

Am I more valuable of a person if my child made the honor roll? No, that is a lie. Am I a better mom because my child is giften in sports? No, I am no better than the mother of a child who is clumsy. Am I a better mom because I make homemade meals from scratch every night? No, it is a blessing and wonderful, but you are no more special than the t.v. dinner mom.

Each of us has our own journey, each of us has our gifts. Yet, most parents are all just doing the best we can. Sometimes what looks like a failure to you, might actually be someone else’s success! We all need to realize we cannot ever know what is it like to be a person, unless we are that person! Just realize we mom’s are doing the best we can… and we should judge less, and love more!
❤Not Just A Blonde

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Ending the Mommy War Image

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7 thoughts on “Just Doing Our Best… Judge Less!

  1. Efficient Momma says:

    Great post! I needed to hear this, both because I feel judged and because I do it myself (funny how that works).

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    1. Isn’t it?! I find myself judging mostly after I feel (fear?) I’m being judged! I just seemed to have got the Ah-hah! The best way to nip judgmental-ism in the bud is not by judging back but loving back and realizing that judgement likely stems from lack of self-love and acceptance. Arrogance is often an ugly cover for deep rooted insecurity. It’s easier to forgive someone (even moi) for being snarky when I remember what the likely culprit is! Loving ourselves for doing our best is also SO important! Thank you for your comment! 🙂 ❤

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  2. I was born and raised to be judgmental. When I was young, if I were to hear the biblical question: ‘Will not the judge of all the earth do right?’, my response might have been: I try to!

    I remember the day in 11th grade when I realized that it was not my responsibility to make sure that everyone on the earth towed the line. What a weight off my shoulders! I spent the rest of my life fighting against the habit of judging; and I am better now, though I am not yet fully cured.

    The Father works with each of us individually and does not need an enforcer. Thanks for the great post!

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    1. I didn’t consider that being judgmental might be a learned behavior! I’m sure you are far from the only one that has been raised to do so. How sad.

      I do feel bad for those who feel the salvation of others rests in them alone. I think that is the dark motivation behind the Westboro Baptist’s hateful behaviors… this is how they justify their evil actions.

      God can use us to further his kingdom but I do not believe it is through fear, anger, intimidation or judgement that wins others to The Lord… But love and love alone.

      Thanks Tim for your comment! It’s hard to believe YOU were ever legalistic! You’ve certainly undergone a grace awakening of sorts haven’t you? And Praise God you have! 🙂

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      1. Was I a legalist? Absolutely!

        One cannot choose the environment in which one is raised. But not only was I raised in a legalistic, fundamentalist environment–I embraced it with all my heart. Almost all the things I write against were beliefs I had to overcome: an angry God, legalism and fear, a burning punishment in hell, creationism, biblical inerrancy, and much more. One of the big struggles I had early on was whether other Bible translations were of the devil, because we believed only the KJV was the true Bible.

        If you are interested in my journey out of fundamentalism, you can read about it at:

        http://jesuswithoutbaggage.wordpress.com/about-tim-chastain/my-journey-from-fundamentalism/

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      2. Oh! I am! And I will! ❤

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  3. Hi Blonde. Received your comment and I am glad you liked the article!

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