Have you ever felt it? I’m talking about: the eye rolls, the cold-shoulders, hearing the gossip, the sting of rejection, and the loneliness of exclusion? Sadly, this is often how we treat others, sometimes in our social circles… sometimes other believers within our church… or even in our own family. We feel the pain of judgement, not the warmth of love.
Recently in my mom’s small group at church we were given the topic of Mommy Wars. You know, when moms criticize and gossip about other moms who in some way or another are just not measuring up to our standard of acceptability. We judge another mom’s weakness against our own perceived gifts.
The material we were given was from the Loving My Lot Christian mommy blog. The blog post is “Mom vs. Mom: The War I Didn’t See Coming“. I couldn’t help but realize I too was likely judged for not being perfect… but that is just it! Who can be perfect?!
If my worth is based on my mothering skills or expertise I will always fall short. Always. Actually, if my worth is based on anything external I will always fall short. Bad news is, so will you! The harder we try the further we are from the mark of perfection. Doing things our way will never reap us true peace and satisfaction.
Why must we even go there? Why is it that the game of comparison at times so easily sucks us in? If we are doing our best and are confident in our choices, why would we let the opinon or judgements of an outsider affect our mood and our feelings? Why would we let them ruin a good day?
I think there might be a few reasons we’d go there. For one, I think we fear that they may be right. Perhaps we really aren’t doing the right thing… and deep down we know we could do better. So then it is our attempt to avoid our own feelings of guilt… and focusing instead on the faults of another!
Another answer is we feel like we ourselves are losers, somehow tied by an invisible rope to the poor mothering choices we’ve made and allowing those mistakes to define us. We fear they are seeing us for who we truly are… a mess, imperfect, a failure… a mistake ourselves.
We attack and defend ourselves against this invisible enemy. Some may call this dark force Satan, some may just say it is a part of our own humanness that goes to that dark place. Whatever it is, it it NOT what God has indended for us, nor is where we need to be.
Am I more valuable of a person if my child made the honor roll? No, that is a lie. Am I a better mom because my child is giften in sports? No, I am no better than the mother of a child who is clumsy. Am I a better mom because I make homemade meals from scratch every night? No, it is a blessing and wonderful, but you are no more special than the t.v. dinner mom.
Each of us has our own journey, each of us has our gifts. Yet, most parents are all just doing the best we can. Sometimes what looks like a failure to you, might actually be someone else’s success! We all need to realize we cannot ever know what is it like to be a person, unless we are that person! Just realize we mom’s are doing the best we can… and we should judge less, and love more!
❤Not Just A Blonde